i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize