Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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