eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
