I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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