I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
