Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
