White coat. Heels.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
