Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
