i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
