This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My feet surprised me
Randomize
