when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
