Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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