I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
