In the future we'll all be gay
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
