he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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