I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
