How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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