brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
