im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
