remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
