Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
