ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
