well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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