Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
