actually, I'm a sock model
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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