omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I pour the whiskey from now on
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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