I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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