I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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