it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
