were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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