did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Quick, to the slutcave!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
