marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
