Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
