I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
