you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
