Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
