I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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