I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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