Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
