I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
