I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
