dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
