well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
