Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
