Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize