So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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