But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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