There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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