i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
