Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
