My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
