The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I looked at my own cervix.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
