i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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