and you said cock pushups were impossible
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
