It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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