I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
