mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
