I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
