Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
