I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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