just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
