Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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