Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
