dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize