are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
