he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
