So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
